Polyamory & ENM Therapy
You should not have to spend your first sessions explaining what polyamory is, or defending your relationships to the person who is supposed to help you with them. I work with people across the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), also called consensual non-monogamy (CNM), by telehealth, anywhere in California, New Mexico, Oregon, and Washington.
How I work with non-monogamy
I draw on AEDP and IFS, along with a systemic lens that comes from my training as a Marriage and Family Therapist.
In IFS terms, many of the hardest moments in non-monogamy involve parts of you that want different things. One part may long for freedom and new connection while another is terrified of being replaced. We do not need to choose a winner. We get to know each part, including what it is protecting, so you can make choices from a steadier place.
Jealousy often gets treated as a sign that someone is failing at polyamory. However, jealousy usually carries important information about needs, fears, or agreements that need attention, and it deserves curiosity instead of shame.
AEDP keeps attachment at the center. Non-monogamy does not make attachment needs disappear; it means you are building secure, trusting connection with more than one person, sometimes while each of those people is doing the same. Much of our work is helping you feel less alone in that, including with me.
Because relationships are systems, I also pay attention to how changes in one relationship affect the others, whether that is a new partner, a shift in a metamour connection, or a change in living arrangements.
Who this is for
I work with people who are polyamorous, in open relationships, solo poly, practicing relationship anarchy, swinging, or still figuring out what fits. That includes people in mono-poly relationships, people considering opening an existing relationship, and people whose relationships do not have a tidy label at all. I see individuals as well as Dyadic and Triadic+ relationships, including partners, metamours, and polycules.
Not everyone in a non-monogamous relationship comes to therapy to talk about non-monogamy. You might be here for grief, anxiety, a career change, or family stress. Your relationship structure is part of your life and the context we work within.
Common reasons people reach out
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Opening an existing relationship, or exploring whether non-monogamy fits for you
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Jealousy, insecurity, and compersion, including what to do when they show up together
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Creating agreements, and renegotiating them as people and relationships change
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New relationship energy and how it ripples through existing relationships
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Metamour relationships and polycule dynamics
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Questions about hierarchy, autonomy, time, and attention
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Deciding whether, when, and how to come out to family, friends, or coworkers
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The stress of stigma and of living in a world built around monogamy
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Transitions, including closing a relationship, a partner leaving, or a breakup within a polycule
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Parenting and family life in non-monogamous households
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Improving communication as a hinge, the partner connecting two people who are not partners with each other partner
Frequently asked questions
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That is one of the most common reasons people reach out. Therapy can be a place to explore different desires honestly, without pressure toward a particular outcome.
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Yes, when everyone agrees it would be helpful. I work with individuals, dyads, and traids.
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No. Plenty of people use labels loosely or not at all. We can use whatever language feels accurate to you.
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Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and consensual non-monogamy (CNM) mean the same thing: relationships where everyone involved knows about and agrees to more than one romantic or sexual connection. ENM is the term you will see more often on dating apps and social media, while CNM is more common in research and clinical writing. Polyamory is one form of ENM, centered on having more than one loving or romantic relationship. ENM is the broader umbrella, which also includes open relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy, and arrangements that do not fit a single label. I work with all of them.
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Yes, I am kink-affirming.
